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How you willed me here

was no coincidence

And the way I touch you

isn’t just happenstance

Don’t let the sick ones

take you down

They’ll only bode you to stray

And tempt you

When all you want

is to heal you

And heal them

“Together, we’ll mend,”

Someone said

I’m not asking for your heart

Only for a piece of your mind

Clean up the glass

from the kitchen floor

Take a cold shower

And come watch the sunrise from the rooftop

With me

"False"

This false perception

Of a leather-wearing,

Chimney-smoking,

European

Prince of the USA

And I smiled not for before

But for you

For now

For what’s been falsely noted

Crossed out

And blurred over

by a rosy haze of

False expectations

Your false, piercing stare

Doesn’t do me any good at night

"Growing Pains"

Never knowing where to start

Where which line ends

                             and which begins.

So we cry 

           and cry

                      and cry

And we fall

            and fall

                      and fall

But you better get up, child

You better get up, son

daughter, mother, father

Your knees are scraped

From the rough world’s feet

And you cry and cry and cry

Let’s all cry, cry, cry

Oh, these growing pains

You’ll never see

Inside of me

I’m paralyzed, papa

I’m so scared, mama

That you will never see

All of me

So off I go

To a place I don’t know

Putting on a show

Chasing dreams,

                 dreams,

                           dreams,

                                   That’s all they are

Falling from the sky

‘Cause we all fall,

                     fall, 

                              fall

So quit crying.

"You Are The Embodiment Of Falling Apart With Dignity And Grace"

I’ll never watch the stars

Or see another sunrise

with you

But they won’t be my last

A new familiar face

Finally comes into light

I’ve been a little girl

In a big world

But things come after, things come after

Things come after you

These caffeinated

Upper-downer-driven

Heartbreak hibernations

Will cease

They will dissipate

Into rose-colored glasses

Because there is one

Who can melt the sun

With his honey words

And untether hardened arteries

From the frozen ground

To soar above the clouds

My heart was his

Before I even knew it

"Sit and Wait"

He’s got nothing

To show

To explain for himself

To defend

He’ll just sit there and wait

Here brews the calm before the storm

Watching and waiting

For the very worst

The hurricane of fits and spurts

And there’s nothing we can do but sit and wait

Because only the cowards evacuate

When did she become the enemy?

Morals and values shoot through piercing eyes of blue

Drowning in blue

Pale, dead blue

Oceans and rivers and puddles of 

You

Muddy, blue you

As resentment grows

And her sunken heart drowns in regret

Hanging on by a nail.

So how is your heart

Now that you’ve broken

All that was sacred from the start?

How does it feel to break someone else?

Can you gaze into glass

And believe you can pass for a pulse? 

"Your Losing Bet"

you think you can coax

a diamond in the rough

because it’s buried deep

and the waiting’s been enough

but don’t let your eyes stray

she’ll tie your shoelaces together

and you’ll go tumbling

down down down

you’ll plummet like a poisoned oak

when no one was around

to hear it fall

don’t mistake her pleasantries

or the sweet taste of her skin

she’ll test you close

and leave you fighting

guessing

but you can’t win

not with this one

when all you need is an honest mind

and a pensive heart

it’s simple when you look inside

but a diamond won’t crack

so you’ll never see it break

only see it shine forever

"We're All Mad Here"

Well I live in a den of salesmen

We tell stories

And make people believe them

In heaven

We’re all dressed up

With nowhere to go

And no money to spend

On the things we don’t need

Just green tea and tuna

For breakfast, lunch, and dinna

Put out the light

They don’t see us

Put out the light

We’re all naked here

A pile of naked bodies

Incestuous little animals

Piled high in our little den

With our little pricks and little slits

And our big minds in a big, big world

I can sit in the corner

Twiddling numbers, thumbs and orders

Staring up from a crossword puzzle

Making your knees turn to soot

You’re collapsing in front of

My irreconcilable difference

And paving the way 

For a new way to stay

Underground with the worms and the witches

Because we’re all mad here

But you’ve nothing to fear

When you let your lies

Fall aside

And strip yourself alive

"Season"

I'm poisoning myself
Trying with every tick
Not to break my promises
Saltwater running past my temples
Through my hair
In my skin and down my spine
Screaming to make sense
Of a senseless poison
That taints my perfect progression from you

But there's a light that I'm hoping on

Could we salt the world
So we don't crash?
And the snow begins to fall
To the beat of the music

With every season
You grow further away
This year
Through iron, salt,
Water and flesh
I've tasted what I'm made of

At the fork of the river
God sees my open heart
And begins to cry
Early Spring tears
As the seasons roll by

'Till one day I stop writing
And maybe that's what you wanted

"Dreaming"

I dreamed in you the other night

We were so in sync

We could speak through our minds

From far away

If I could chip off a piece of my heart

And wrap it in silk ribbon

I’d break it into eighty years

And send you one each day

I can make this rotation

Again and again

Create and jersey cocoon

Just to settle in

To a singularly dented mattress

One, two, three, four

Sheep across the dance floor

Eleven, ten, nine, eight

Good things come to those who wait

Wait, wait, wait

So here I am

Trying too hard

To come up with an answer

Rambling on

Trying to find a word of truth

Waiting on the truest

Thing I live for

And where you go

The midwestern sun follows

"Healing Me"

I want you more than I thought there was
I want
And I have
All I need
And it's in you

Pull me closer
'Till I sink into your skin

I've been trying to find a way
To skip a day
Or two
'Till I'm in front of you
Where breathing comes
Like peaches in golden air
And it's healing me
Slowly

"The Long Road"

            The extra mile is in the back of my heart

Or at the top of a redwood tree

When all we are is the collision at a rolling stop

And you won’t stop for me

Oh, I picked you from the top, my dear

But now all I have left is my hollow fear

So why won’t you reach for me?

            I sit suppressing myself for you

Trying to pull you in, too

Because, in this, pulling suffocates less

While pushing takes pride

And my heart is so sick

Moving doesn’t drown my love

Lying won’t make it

Only tell me you don’t need me

Or at least try and fake it

            I saw sparks flying from inside you

Raged on steel doors to let me in

Pleaded shamelessly, “I can’t lose you”

And heard you distant from within

But behind those doors was a concrete wall

Sealed with the broken pieces of what I gave

They were tattered and torn

Shattered, hardened and condensed

Into a filling for the cracks

What did I mend?

                      The part that won’t let me through

I took a step backwards in falling for you

            Balance on your fingertip

And wrap myself around it

It makes me look different

Thinner, older, sadder, maybe,

But I don’t know if I mind

Because over tenfold, give me that break down again

Every night for a thousand years

Just stay with me

I’ll take yours away

Breathe it into my skin

           Into my lungs

                       Into my vessels and toss it above me

                                                          Into the air like confetti

And let the wind have her way with it

            I knew you’d be up tonight

And here I dig myself deeper

A tomb in this muscle where it’s throbbing and swelling

Or are you the grave keeper?

There’s no solid line between us

Cutting in as the passerby's gawk

They’re hypnotized but I’m paralyzed by the stinging laceration

Which makes the pit lower

            Now

Dig into yourself

Bring out those pangs with your bare hands

If you can

Lay them inside me like a bouquet of lilies

Sew me up

            And in the ambient, morning light

Float me down the river on a raft made of promises

An ambiguous raft as your burdens ride away

            Now

Paint yourself in autumn leaves

Hide under the trees ‘till I come home

                                    I’ll come back for you

And in Heaven, so to speak

Where our hearts and secrets are all intertwined

If you’ll have it

We will be well, then

                      But, here,

In this moment

My hand is on my chest

And you’re aiming for my heart

As I try to keep composed

To keep from breaking

Or from sinking

When the words “not enough” pour out between my lips

And I’m standing frozen

In your direct line of vision

But if I beg on my knees,

Be gentle with me

Because my legs are tired

My heart is sore

And I’m so sick of running

Because I’m losing more

With every breath

                        Eleven-hundred words

                                               for you

                                               and counting.

"Inside"

My innards ache

To see you around

But the weight of your indifference

Beats heavy on my chest

Lying there

Unwavering

The heat on my face

When you’re making my mind

Pitter patter

Just a little faster

Not a jolt in the heart

Just the place and time

The summer in my hands

Makes me pitter patter

I can see what’s

Smeared across my face

See that maybe

There’s finally you who can

Pin me down

But you won’t

And I don’t want to want you to

Yet

Telling myself

This is nothing

And you’re no one

Over, over, over, and out

Still this outlet isn’t helping

So release

Let it be

And you’ll never see me sweat

Not a drop of nothing

Out of me

Tapping pitter pat

"Souvenir"

Taking your memory as a souvenir back
But your face is fading
Inevitably
Like a dream
Only icy fingertips
And wet grass stains
To recollect
And we're not even home yet
But why should I mind?
I don't
When there's no thought of me
You won't
Trouble with the idea
I think too much
But my soul feels vacant
Unsatisfied
Maybe this is what they meant
But I'm stronger than them
This won't phase me
I never fell
And I never will
Push it, kick it
Shove it all away
Indifference is bliss
I'm convinced
Leave it where I found it
Moving right along
This frustration will float
Into every sense of equity
On the edge of my lips
Good luck

"Scotland"

You're proving me wrong, Scotland
You're making me think
Reevaluate
Count my blessings
But for God's sake Scotland
Stop crying
Get happy
Take into account your countenance
And its splendor
Remember the hearts you've turned
And the souls you've filled with fervor
Boiling blood and fluttering stomachs
Scotland, your mind could change the world
Let it all in
Being overwhelmed
And begin

"Going Down"

Grass
Gravel
Flying high
I can't write
Guarded inhibitions
No inspiration
Just chemicals
Pushing, pulsing, pulling,
Pulling daisies from the root
Pulling headboards for the swell
Clenching and
Holding on for swelling light
I can't write
Flying high
Going low
Up and down
Sound stretching
Breathing, rocking, giving
Giving way
Giving in
Going down

"One Thing"

I’ve been

Underwhelmed

Overcooked and

Jaded

Living on my last

Drop of adrenaline

Need a change to

Come screaming down the road

Bold-faced and petrified

To shake me

Resurrect what’s left

To bide me

And my time here

In limbo

A quarter-life being unreliable

Now I’ll take a stand

Against myself

And make a change

No more backing out

No more backing out

Keeping my feet planted

On the ground

And my heart

Soaring through the clouds

I’ll take what I can get

No complaints

Using blessings to achieve the rest

No cursing and crying

When nothing turns out

I’ll keep trying

Don’t let myself down

Now I’ll take a stand

Against myself

And make a change

No more backing out

No more backing out

Keeping my feet planted

On the ground

And my heart

Soaring through the clouds

If there was one thing I could save

I’d learn my way but stay the same

Finding new ways to forgive

And leave a pint of blood

Where I live

Now I’ll take a stand

Against myself

And make a change

No more backing out

No more backing out

Keeping my feet planted

On the ground

And my heart

Soaring through the clouds

Keeping my feet planted

On the ground

And my heart soaring

"Take Me"

What if

We were just for each other

In this brief moment

For the very last breath?

Come to me

In the middle of the moonlight

Throw pebbles at my

One story window

There’s no better than inside my head

Serene and wild romance

Sings the song I’d hoped to come

But the unrequited piece could overrule

Take all of me and

Make me

I’ll treat your body like 2 a.m.

And your heart like Sunday morning

Oh, darling

If you would take this unrequited piece and pass

I could go on alone and fragile

But full of serene and wild romance

write something

I sit up and write

Rubbish to a T

Searching for the words to my song

That just won’t come

Relate to, and bear all

But I don’t speak through anything

Play you something sweet and sound

Play you up undone and unbound

They’ll all go on thinking you’re something grand

But it’s up to me to make that stand

There’s a gutted inkling

Standing in my doorway

Poking me in the ribs

From ten feet away

If you see him around

I can be found somewhere nearby

All of society is walking around with

Broken hearts

And walking down the street,

I wonder if the pain in my knee is

Just mental

Sometimes the dream is so close

It almost trickles down your throat

But in the reality of it all

I could love you to the ground

And get absolutely nowhere

Hopefully we’ll all stop playing telephone

With rumors floating around

Strange human nature

Can’t feel the air if I don’t keep moving

Don’t know where I’m driving

But steady breath will keep me going

tattoo the children

Knock me off my feet

Pray to God we last

That Jack really went to my head fast

Tripping over words

Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?

Why do I do the things my morals say I shouldn’t do?

It’s the Absinthe

That liquid courage

And a little green fairy

Whispers dirty things in your ear

Stumbling over stories

When will we stop spinning?

Am I really winning?

If fish can breathe underwater, can’t I?

Belated

You tasted

Me

And I’m wasted

Waiting for one something to come along and

Save me

The ones who could save me before

Don’t wait up anymore

I’m seeing two of you.

she dances in hurricanes

She dances in hurricanes

Tears up paper 'til it's too thick to rip

With freckles on her shoulders and moonlight on her cheeks,

skin too delicate for one's mouth to meet

And say when those mouths gather the day she's gone,

"A firefly she was on the days she believed in herself,"

and move on.

She dances in hurricanes

in dresses of cotton and lace.

Winds and tiny needles pour across her ivory face

Winter is her Spring

Summer in Ireland

Her pale rose love is what mouths don't understand

So lay her soul down in a pasture to sleep

for she won't find skin as delicate as hers to meet

And sing her a song in a sweet, Irish melody

as she dreams in the love of rose-colored familiarity

what i've learned

I took you

Into my eyes

Showed you inside

Without a letter

To say

But four

On the rocks

I am tired, tired

Of holding on

Through and through

Left alone to

Wade,

Think,

And wait to sink

I will turn myself

To the wall

Throw a tantrum for

All to see and hear

With my abandoned hibitions

At the bottom of a glass

Boat

you weren't there

Don’t leave

Without your safety net

He’ll catch you if

His flaws don’t grow

And you will still go

But you weren’t there

To break my fall

Yet I won’t show the ache at all

You weren’t there

To brush the hair

From my face

You brush me away

I’ve been untied and unraveled, too

But saying that’s not stopping you

Your apathy turned to scrutiny

So you can just ignore me

And go

Wipe

Out

take a step

I have what’s left

To crawl through the sand

To your door

Keep your eyes open

We’re not strangers anymore

No more empty words

Draw me in with your own hands

Plant seeds in my head

That walk me through un-promised land

Oh, lucky love, you know the best about the words

I asked to see

Listen for your cue

Listen for me

Take a wary step into the ocean

Maybe let the silk surround you

And take a gulp of the sweet saltwater

If you let it all go

Let’s unfold,

If I can

Can’t promise much

But my hands

But if you’ll take a step into the water,

I just might unfold

To fall and float on, with you

I’d risk not falling asleep to the rain

to say goodnight to you.

Now aren’t you glad to be alive?

square one

Start in the middle

Living in a lie

But you’re still living and trying

And changing and crying

Without reassurance

Or a shoulder to change on

With no one to cry to

So it just wears you

Out

[Take it easy

Pretty baby

Take it easy

Take it slow

Why do you try so hard with your heart?

Why do you try knowing no one will know?]

It’s almost that dream you didn’t want to

Remember

It’s almost back there

Back to

Square one

When they said it’s just what they wanted

It wasn’t at all

And you’re starting to think you knew all along

Trying not to remember

But you’re not there

Yet

You’re back before

Square one

[Take it easy

Pretty baby

Take it easy

Take it slow

Why do you try so hard with your heart?

Why do you try knowing no one will know?]

Now you’re walking around in a haze

Where minutes seem like hours

And hours seem like days

But the people on the street won’t know

None of your pretend friends will know

He’s safe when no one will know

Be brave when you’re back before

Square one