Monday, April 21, 2014


How you willed me here
was no coincidence
And the way I touch you
isn’t just happenstance

Don’t let the sick ones
take you down
They’ll only bode you to stray
And tempt you
When all you want
is to heal you
And heal them
“Together, we’ll mend,”
Someone said

I’m not asking for your heart
Only for a piece of your mind

Clean up the glass
from the kitchen floor
Take a cold shower
And come watch the sunrise from the rooftop
With me


This false perception
Of a leather-wearing,
Prince of the USA

And I smiled not for before
But for you
For now
For what’s been falsely noted
Crossed out
And blurred over
by a rosy haze of
False expectations

Your false, piercing stare
Doesn’t do me any good at night

"Growing Pains"

Never knowing where to start
Where which line ends
                             and which begins.
So we cry 
           and cry
                      and cry
And we fall
            and fall
                      and fall
But you better get up, child
You better get up, son
daughter, mother, father
Your knees are scraped
From the rough world’s feet
And you cry and cry and cry
Let’s all cry, cry, cry

Oh, these growing pains
You’ll never see
Inside of me
I’m paralyzed, papa
I’m so scared, mama
That you will never see
All of me

So off I go
To a place I don’t know
Putting on a show
Chasing dreams,
                                   That’s all they are
Falling from the sky

‘Cause we all fall,
So quit crying.

"You Are The Embodiment Of Falling Apart With Dignity And Grace"

I’ll never watch the stars
Or see another sunrise
with you
But they won’t be my last

A new familiar face
Finally comes into light

I’ve been a little girl
In a big world
But things come after, things come after
Things come after you

These caffeinated
Heartbreak hibernations
Will cease
They will dissipate
Into rose-colored glasses

Because there is one
Who can melt the sun
With his honey words
And untether hardened arteries
From the frozen ground
To soar above the clouds

My heart was his
Before I even knew it

"Sit and Wait"

He’s got nothing
To show
To explain for himself
To defend
He’ll just sit there and wait

Here brews the calm before the storm
Watching and waiting
For the very worst
The hurricane of fits and spurts
And there’s nothing we can do but sit and wait
Because only the cowards evacuate

When did she become the enemy?
Morals and values shoot through piercing eyes of blue
Drowning in blue
Pale, dead blue
Oceans and rivers and puddles of 
Muddy, blue you
As resentment grows
And her sunken heart drowns in regret

Hanging on by a nail.

So how is your heart
Now that you’ve broken
All that was sacred from the start?
How does it feel to break someone else?
Can you gaze into glass
And believe you can pass for a pulse? 

"Your Losing Bet"

you think you can coax
a diamond in the rough
because it’s buried deep
and the waiting’s been enough
but don’t let your eyes stray
she’ll tie your shoelaces together
and you’ll go tumbling
down down down
you’ll plummet like a poisoned oak
when no one was around
to hear it fall
don’t mistake her pleasantries
or the sweet taste of her skin
she’ll test you close
and leave you fighting
but you can’t win
not with this one
when all you need is an honest mind
and a pensive heart
it’s simple when you look inside
but a diamond won’t crack
so you’ll never see it break
only see it shine forever

"We're All Mad Here"

Well I live in a den of salesmen
We tell stories
And make people believe them
In heaven
We’re all dressed up
With nowhere to go
And no money to spend
On the things we don’t need
Just green tea and tuna
For breakfast, lunch, and dinna

Put out the light
They don’t see us
Put out the light
We’re all naked here

A pile of naked bodies
Incestuous little animals
Piled high in our little den
With our little pricks and little slits
And our big minds in a big, big world

I can sit in the corner
Twiddling numbers, thumbs and orders
Staring up from a crossword puzzle
Making your knees turn to soot

You’re collapsing in front of
My irreconcilable difference
And paving the way 
For a new way to stay
Underground with the worms and the witches

Because we’re all mad here
But you’ve nothing to fear
When you let your lies
Fall aside
And strip yourself alive


I'm poisoning myself
Trying with every tick
Not to break my promises
Saltwater running past my temples
Through my hair
In my skin and down my spine
Screaming to make sense
Of a senseless poison
That taints my perfect progression from you

But there's a light that I'm hoping on

Could we salt the world
So we don't crash?
And the snow begins to fall
To the beat of the music

With every season
You grow further away
This year
Through iron, salt,
Water and flesh
I've tasted what I'm made of

At the fork of the river
God sees my open heart
And begins to cry
Early Spring tears
As the seasons roll by

'Till one day I stop writing
And maybe that's what you wanted


I dreamed in you the other night
We were so in sync
We could speak through our minds
From far away
If I could chip off a piece of my heart
And wrap it in silk ribbon
I’d break it into eighty years
And send you one each day

I can make this rotation
Again and again
Create and jersey cocoon
Just to settle in

To a singularly dented mattress

One, two, three, four
Sheep across the dance floor
Eleven, ten, nine, eight
Good things come to those who wait
Wait, wait, wait

So here I am
Trying too hard
To come up with an answer
Rambling on
Trying to find a word of truth
Waiting on the truest
Thing I live for
And where you go
The midwestern sun follows

"Healing Me"

I want you more than I thought there was
I want
And I have
All I need
And it's in you

Pull me closer
'Till I sink into your skin

I've been trying to find a way
To skip a day
Or two
'Till I'm in front of you
Where breathing comes
Like peaches in golden air
And it's healing me

"The Long Road"

            The extra mile is in the back of my heart
Or at the top of a redwood tree
When all we are is the collision at a rolling stop
And you won’t stop for me
Oh, I picked you from the top, my dear
But now all I have left is my hollow fear
So why won’t you reach for me?
            I sit suppressing myself for you
Trying to pull you in, too
Because, in this, pulling suffocates less
While pushing takes pride
And my heart is so sick
Moving doesn’t drown my love
Lying won’t make it
Only tell me you don’t need me
Or at least try and fake it

            I saw sparks flying from inside you
Raged on steel doors to let me in
Pleaded shamelessly, “I can’t lose you”
And heard you distant from within
But behind those doors was a concrete wall
Sealed with the broken pieces of what I gave
They were tattered and torn
Shattered, hardened and condensed
Into a filling for the cracks
What did I mend?
                      The part that won’t let me through
I took a step backwards in falling for you

            Balance on your fingertip
And wrap myself around it
It makes me look different
Thinner, older, sadder, maybe,
But I don’t know if I mind
Because over tenfold, give me that break down again
Every night for a thousand years
Just stay with me
I’ll take yours away
Breathe it into my skin
           Into my lungs
                       Into my vessels and toss it above me
                                                          Into the air like confetti
And let the wind have her way with it

            I knew you’d be up tonight
And here I dig myself deeper
A tomb in this muscle where it’s throbbing and swelling
Or are you the grave keeper?
There’s no solid line between us
Cutting in as the passerby's gawk
They’re hypnotized but I’m paralyzed by the stinging laceration
Which makes the pit lower
Dig into yourself
Bring out those pangs with your bare hands
If you can
Lay them inside me like a bouquet of lilies
Sew me up
            And in the ambient, morning light
Float me down the river on a raft made of promises
An ambiguous raft as your burdens ride away

Paint yourself in autumn leaves
Hide under the trees ‘till I come home
                                    I’ll come back for you
And in Heaven, so to speak
Where our hearts and secrets are all intertwined
If you’ll have it
We will be well, then

                      But, here,
In this moment
My hand is on my chest
And you’re aiming for my heart
As I try to keep composed
To keep from breaking
Or from sinking
When the words “not enough” pour out between my lips
And I’m standing frozen
In your direct line of vision
But if I beg on my knees,
Be gentle with me
Because my legs are tired
My heart is sore
And I’m so sick of running
Because I’m losing more
With every breath

                        Eleven-hundred words
                                               for you
                                               and counting.


My innards ache
To see you around
But the weight of your indifference
Beats heavy on my chest
Lying there
The heat on my face
When you’re making my mind
Pitter patter
Just a little faster
Not a jolt in the heart
Just the place and time
The summer in my hands
Makes me pitter patter

I can see what’s
Smeared across my face
See that maybe
There’s finally you who can
Pin me down
But you won’t
And I don’t want to want you to
Telling myself
This is nothing
And you’re no one
Over, over, over, and out
Still this outlet isn’t helping

So release
Let it be
And you’ll never see me sweat
Not a drop of nothing
Out of me
Tapping pitter pat


Taking your memory as a souvenir back
But your face is fading
Like a dream
Only icy fingertips
And wet grass stains
To recollect
And we're not even home yet
But why should I mind?
I don't
When there's no thought of me
You won't
Trouble with the idea
I think too much
But my soul feels vacant
Maybe this is what they meant
But I'm stronger than them
This won't phase me
I never fell
And I never will
Push it, kick it
Shove it all away
Indifference is bliss
I'm convinced
Leave it where I found it
Moving right along
This frustration will float
Into every sense of equity
On the edge of my lips
Good luck


You're proving me wrong, Scotland
You're making me think
Count my blessings
But for God's sake Scotland
Stop crying
Get happy
Take into account your countenance
And its splendor
Remember the hearts you've turned
And the souls you've filled with fervor
Boiling blood and fluttering stomachs
Scotland, your mind could change the world
Let it all in
Being overwhelmed
And begin

"Going Down"

Flying high
I can't write
Guarded inhibitions
No inspiration
Just chemicals
Pushing, pulsing, pulling,
Pulling daisies from the root
Pulling headboards for the swell
Clenching and
Holding on for swelling light
I can't write
Flying high
Going low
Up and down
Sound stretching
Breathing, rocking, giving
Giving way
Giving in
Going down

"One Thing"

I’ve been
Overcooked and
Living on my last
Drop of adrenaline

Need a change to
Come screaming down the road
Bold-faced and petrified
To shake me
Resurrect what’s left
To bide me
And my time here
In limbo

A quarter-life being unreliable

Now I’ll take a stand
Against myself
And make a change
No more backing out
No more backing out
Keeping my feet planted
On the ground
And my heart
Soaring through the clouds

I’ll take what I can get
No complaints
Using blessings to achieve the rest
No cursing and crying
When nothing turns out
I’ll keep trying
Don’t let myself down

Now I’ll take a stand
Against myself
And make a change
No more backing out
No more backing out
Keeping my feet planted
On the ground
And my heart
Soaring through the clouds

If there was one thing I could save
I’d learn my way but stay the same
Finding new ways to forgive
And leave a pint of blood
Where I live

Now I’ll take a stand
Against myself
And make a change
No more backing out
No more backing out
Keeping my feet planted
On the ground
And my heart
Soaring through the clouds

Keeping my feet planted
On the ground
And my heart soaring

"Take Me"

What if
We were just for each other
In this brief moment
For the very last breath?
Come to me
In the middle of the moonlight
Throw pebbles at my
One story window
There’s no better than inside my head
Serene and wild romance
Sings the song I’d hoped to come
But the unrequited piece could overrule
Take all of me and
Make me
I’ll treat your body like 2 a.m.
And your heart like Sunday morning
Oh, darling
If you would take this unrequited piece and pass
I could go on alone and fragile
But full of serene and wild romance

write something

I sit up and write
Rubbish to a T
Searching for the words to my song
That just won’t come
Relate to, and bear all
But I don’t speak through anything

Play you something sweet and sound
Play you up undone and unbound
They’ll all go on thinking you’re something grand
But it’s up to me to make that stand

There’s a gutted inkling
Standing in my doorway
Poking me in the ribs
From ten feet away
If you see him around
I can be found somewhere nearby

All of society is walking around with
Broken hearts
And walking down the street,
I wonder if the pain in my knee is
Just mental

Sometimes the dream is so close
It almost trickles down your throat
But in the reality of it all
I could love you to the ground
And get absolutely nowhere

Hopefully we’ll all stop playing telephone
With rumors floating around
Strange human nature
Can’t feel the air if I don’t keep moving
Don’t know where I’m driving
But steady breath will keep me going

tattoo the children

Knock me off my feet
Pray to God we last
That Jack really went to my head fast

Tripping over words
Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?
Why do I do the things my morals say I shouldn’t do?

It’s the Absinthe
That liquid courage
And a little green fairy
Whispers dirty things in your ear

Stumbling over stories
When will we stop spinning?
Am I really winning?

If fish can breathe underwater, can’t I?

You tasted
And I’m wasted
Waiting for one something to come along and
Save me

The ones who could save me before
Don’t wait up anymore

I’m seeing two of you.

she dances in hurricanes

She dances in hurricanes
Tears up paper 'til it's too thick to rip
With freckles on her shoulders and moonlight on her cheeks,
skin too delicate for one's mouth to meet
And say when those mouths gather the day she's gone,
"A firefly she was on the days she believed in herself,"
and move on.
She dances in hurricanes
in dresses of cotton and lace.
Winds and tiny needles pour across her ivory face
Winter is her Spring
Summer in Ireland
Her pale rose love is what mouths don't understand
So lay her soul down in a pasture to sleep
for she won't find skin as delicate as hers to meet
And sing her a song in a sweet, Irish melody
as she dreams in the love of rose-colored familiarity

what i've learned

I took you
Into my eyes
Showed you inside
Without a letter
To say
But four
On the rocks

I am tired, tired
Of holding on
Through and through
Left alone to
And wait to sink

I will turn myself
To the wall
Throw a tantrum for
All to see and hear
With my abandoned hibitions
At the bottom of a glass


you weren't there

Don’t leave
Without your safety net
He’ll catch you if
His flaws don’t grow
And you will still go

But you weren’t there
To break my fall
Yet I won’t show the ache at all
You weren’t there
To brush the hair
From my face
You brush me away

I’ve been untied and unraveled, too
But saying that’s not stopping you
Your apathy turned to scrutiny
So you can just ignore me
And go

take a step

I have what’s left
To crawl through the sand
To your door
Keep your eyes open
We’re not strangers anymore
No more empty words
Draw me in with your own hands
Plant seeds in my head
That walk me through un-promised land

Oh, lucky love, you know the best about the words
I asked to see
Listen for your cue
Listen for me
Take a wary step into the ocean
Maybe let the silk surround you
And take a gulp of the sweet saltwater
If you let it all go

Let’s unfold,
If I can
Can’t promise much
But my hands
But if you’ll take a step into the water,
I just might unfold
To fall and float on, with you

I’d risk not falling asleep to the rain
to say goodnight to you.
Now aren’t you glad to be alive?

square one

Start in the middle
Living in a lie
But you’re still living and trying
And changing and crying
Without reassurance
Or a shoulder to change on
With no one to cry to
So it just wears you

[Take it easy
Pretty baby
Take it easy
Take it slow
Why do you try so hard with your heart?
Why do you try knowing no one will know?]

It’s almost that dream you didn’t want to
It’s almost back there
Back to
Square one

When they said it’s just what they wanted
It wasn’t at all
And you’re starting to think you knew all along
Trying not to remember
But you’re not there
You’re back before
Square one

[Take it easy
Pretty baby
Take it easy
Take it slow
Why do you try so hard with your heart?
Why do you try knowing no one will know?]

Now you’re walking around in a haze
Where minutes seem like hours
And hours seem like days
But the people on the street won’t know
None of your pretend friends will know
He’s safe when no one will know
Be brave when you’re back before
Square one