I've been waking up without a
memory of where I am

But your song still feels
like home
Voices like sparks
showering down on my skin
Making my blood clean
Thank you for your soul
For bringing me to life
with a single line

You make me keep hoping
the rain will come

"Life Vest"

I cannot feel

If I should use you as my life vest

Or let you gently float downstream

Tell everyone the same thing

"Tears calcify to heal the broken parts"

I'm full of bad bones

And you're all good

But sometimes I think

I'd rather break my own heart

Than stay intact just to keep alive

"Europe"

Your scent's still hanging on my skin
Call me "darling"
Call me "darling" again

You won't surface unless your
poison is matched
Yet I'm still rushing to you

Oh, pretty boy
Sometimes I worry
Because only you can hear me
when I whisper
And pretty boy
I think sometimes you worry
Because you want to wake up
next to me

Xanax dreams
And vanilla incense
No "we"
No "us"
Nothing is ours
Nothing ever will be ours

You can visit Europe
"You can even visit more than once"
But you can't live there
Distance
Fear
and Language Barriers
Quarantines
and Currency Exchange

You'll just dangle a one-way ticket
in front of my lips
And snatch it away when I bite

This well-traveled heart can only stretch so far
So don't call me "darling"
Don't call me "darling" again

""

   This afternoon, I stepped onto the patio into the dry, summer sun. My first outing of the entire day. Against the forest green vines I noticed my soul animal, a little, white butterfly. I always notice them. I don't know why I relate. Maybe I want to be like them: Small, light, happy. Quiet, humble. Free.
   I watched the humble, little bug freely flap her wings through the sunbeams,  contentedly. Out for an afternoon summer stroll. Upon looking closer, however, I noticed that one of the butterfly's wings had seemingly been torn off, leaving little behind than enough to keep her afloat. How was she flying with such a deformity? What laws of physics was she defying in order to dance through the air?
   Before I had noticed her mangled wing, the way she flew really did seem like a dance. When I eventually saw it, the dance turned into a limp, but nothing had shifted in her movement except my perspective. Why couldn't she still be as free as before I noticed her scars? They had always been there, and I admired her effortlessness.
   Is the glass half full, or no? The wounds from her past made her more beautiful and dance more freely than she ever could have before them.
"I would rather break my own heart
(and tumble apart)
Than stay intact only to keep alive"

"Mercury in Retrograde"

walking into a silent war zone
I can see your heart beating from the outside
in your neck
in your stomach

the rain isn't used to falling here
and it's seeping under doorways
sea levels rising
so we can tread
or we can swim
or we can sink

"Close your eyes"

close your eyes
your green eyes
when the green smoke detector light
is your northern star
close your eyes
and fly away
limbs akimbo
from this place
being face to face brings ambivalence

you're like sweet poison
there's always something worth
flipping guts
bringing new nightmares
flowing through untainted blood
a paralyzingly sweet bed
and saccharine skin

expect too much
don't get overzealous
choose your actions carefully

"Acid Rain" (2/9/10)

Eating cereal out the bag
Down an uncleared sidewalk
Her midwestern winter dragging
Skin through snowy cocaine
That cereal won't fill you up
So don't leave yourself to ruin
More than you thought you could

She needs a sunset
A clear sky of orange marmalade
And salt air
Because rock bottom, isn't yet
Her life ended
Where the sea fell off the earth
Her soul hollowed
When the gulf ran dry

And from her heart poured
Ocean tears
Trying to explain herself

All that's here
Is acid rain